Well...good news and bad news...
The BAD news is that my streak of talking with people who myseteriously turn out having the name "Tony" has been broken. The GOOD news is that I got a TWO-FER today!
Ta-Da!
Backstory: my trusty starship (Tesla Model 3 Performance...IKR?!) is FINALLY in the shop making its transition from a Redneck Tesla back into a sleek and powerful intergalactic LOVE machine! I FINALLY got some flub dub together and found a toally SLAMMIN auto body place right here in my neighborhood: Richard's Body Shop! MAN! this shop is KILLIN." I recommend them HIGHLY!!!!
Therefore, I thought I would take a break from WCBC for a minnit and walk on over to see how things are going. Did you know that today was SATURDAY? DAYUM. I forgot that I'm "retired" Y'all... the rest of the real world has today off. Who knew? I sho' didn't
So...I turned around and began walking back to WIESTWORLD. I said "hello" to a cuppa folks but got ZERO responses. Maybe it was how I look today... Dig:
Man-Oh-MAN, my Deborah got one HELL of a right cross. Do NOT mess wit dat girl. Just sayin.'
Ok...I better not let THAT hang out there too long. LONG story short, I'm fine. No fights. Deborah remains the glorious love of my life and wouldn't hurt a fly let alone a big ol' sack-o SHIT like me! However, two days ago I met with my good friend Matt Antoniewicz to talk some bidniss here in WIESTWORLD. I gave him a book that I'm reading to check out called Imminent by Luis Elizondo and then Matt had to split to go back to Milwaukee. After he left, I noticed that he forgot to grab the book. Matt noticed as well and sent me a text. I said "I'll meet you at the Supercharger in Highland Park" (Matt also has a starship. We are just TOO cool Y'all) So, I ran back in, grabbed the book and three or four other things, went flying up the stairs to our second floor, lost my balance and...
DOWN GOES FRAZIER!!!
It was an EPIC fall folks. A real thing of beauty. Dig: we have a "pressure gate" at the bottom of the stairs to keep Phoebe from the downstairs when company is here. I went through that thing like the Kool-Aid Man going through a paper brick wall!
BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!!! At the foot of the stairs about three feet distant we have a utility room that has one of those thin wood accordion doors. Let me just say that said decorative barrier was no match for 270 pounds of screaming momentum! BAM through the door, BAM goes my hand reaching for the wall to slow down, then BAM went the side of my head as it came into contact with the solid wood door frame...CRUSHING my iconic blue glasses that then cut into my face missing my eye (yep...the one with the brand new cataract surgery!) by 1/2 an inch and I went to the floor like a bag of old bones in a large bag of Manteca LARD.
Can I get a DAYUMMMM!?
As cuts to the head bleed dramatically even if superficial ...by the time Deborah got to the scene and to my rescue my hoary Scottish locks were Mardi Gras PINK and RED. And I said. in a calm voice...
"Hey Sweetie, I think I'll take a break for a minute."
TA DA!
I got checked out by a BUNCH of very good Doctor-type people and I'm fine. But I do NOT present an air of comfort and safety right now when you first meet me on the street.
"Run away children, don't talk to that dodgy old scary man over there!"
Therefore, I figured that I might not have much luck today with any OTAAT that I might try to do ("OTTAT" is an ULTRA hip and cutting-edge acronym for "One Tony at a Time" You dig?)
But I could NOT have been more wrong! As I was walking back home, I cross over a bridge on Lawrence that goes over the North Branch of The Chicago River. I passed by a hip looking guy and I said "How's it going?" And amazingly, he answered "I'm good! How are YOU Sir?" I stopped in my tracks and then his friend came up and said in a quiet and humble voice, "Hi Brother. We are homeless. Can you help us?"
WOWZA! JACKPOT! OTAAT...You dig!
Turns out that they were indeed homeless, but it also turns out that they were sent by God to ME to teach me and to make MY day! I learned that their names were Nathaniel ("like the bible" he said to help me remember) and the first gentleman I met said his name was Troy ("like the movie"...also to help me out) What a DELIGHT these two guys are!
I don't carry cash, because...HELLO...the world we live in?! But I asked them if we could go to the gas station and pick up some stuff. Tentatively, they agreed. We tried to get some menthol cigarettes, but it is now illegal to sell menthol cigs close to a school. Who knew"? I sho didn't. So we went to a liquor store and bought a carton, some gloves, some food, and flubdubberies. I also had a wee bit of cash due to my brand spankin' new debt card (the old Billie Preston song "Nuthin from Nuthin' Leaves NUTHIN" comes to mind... You dig?)
But even the legendary "widow's mite" can make God smile, and ain't THAT worth it. After today, Nathanial and Troy can have dinner AND breakfast (spared no expense Y'all) for at least one day. And all the people said:
A-Men!
Troy does NOT drink alcohol. He quit YEARS ago. Nathanial does NOT drink alcohol... for YEARS he's been sober. They have grown children, they have living parents, brothers, and sisters! These are just two good human beings down on their luck and having a bad go of it. I have BEEN there, I dig.
LAWD Ha'b MERCY, I DIG!
But how many times have I thought "I can't give those cats any money, I don't have much myself, and they'll just drink it our shoot it up. Damn JUNKIES." And yeah...quite often that IS the case.... and WORSE. Many, MANY people are out on the streets with SERIOUS mental problems that need help. And many are DANGEROUS to themselves and others. We can NOT help them all at once. We can NOT give away all of our money, that would indeed be irresponsible to those who we are charged with taking care of in our own families. And it CAN be dangerous...the problem is just TOO VAST!
But we CAN help...
One Tony at a Time.
(Or OTTAT if you want to be REALLY hip)
And today, with the joyous lessons that I learned from Nathanial from the Bible, and Troy from the Movie, I am DAMN glad that I did.
Be SAFE out there Y'all!
–Steve Wiest, New Chicago, Old USA.
By safe .